I can do this...I could do this...can't/couldn't I?

Last night I went up into my loft (where I have half the contents of my last flat still in boxes, the other half having been unpacked!) to find some ED related stuff.  It turns out I have rather a lot of ED things - ranging from letters dating back to 1994 when I had my first admission to reports written about me to endless weight and calorie charts and plans (by both myself and professionals) to exercise plans and so on.  I had been reminded of the letters (of which I have so many and it makes me feel somewhat sad that snailmail is not really used anymore as it is so nice to have these to read every now and then and I'm not sure it would be so easy, or meaningful to look back over emails over the past 20 years) when I was packing my previous flat to move here.  I was aware of the charts and lists but I hadn't really paid much attention to them then.  But last night I started to read the food plans and exercise plans and I started to wonder, can I do this?  Could I do this?  Could I find a way of somehow sticking to a plan to give me a bit more regularity and structure and improve my mood and fatigue...without gaining weight?  Could I do it this time, without backing out, slipping up, messing about?  Can I do it?  Professionals around me are not convinced - by both me being able to improve my eating/exercise addiction and by me being able to feel less depressed, sleeping better and being able to function enough to return to work without gaining weight.  But a part of me thinks maybe, just maybe I could, I can...It's not like my weight is that low, or even low at all really.  My mood is a problem but if I was back at work I'd have to focus on work and just deal with the crash each evening and every weekend.  If I could stay at this weight, maybe it would be worth it?  Which brings me back to the question...can I do this?  Could I do this?  Will I do this?