Hmph.

Everyone wants to be special to someone.  I think.
I hate that I want this and I hate that I want it most from my therapist.
What I hate the most though is that today I have seen that she so very clearly has a 'favourite' client who is not me, and I am right at the bottom, and this has destroyed all my trust in her.  I can't say how I know all this without revealing more about me and the service I am under but it was there in black and white, no room for error or misunderstanding.  How can I trust what she says about weight gain and so on, if I feel so uncertain of my relationship with her in general?  How can I continue to see her if I feel this shitty and jealous and loathing of myself in response?
My head is spinning.  I am this close to telling everyone I'm done with therapy, ED services, life.
What is the point?  And why the **** am I so jealous?  Sometimes I really hate myself.  Today I cannot tolerate myself at all.
And there goes the failure again at positive posting....